Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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