these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
