And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
