Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
