I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
