Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
