it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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