There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
