somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
