and you said cock pushups were impossible
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
