you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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