it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well I just put wine in my tea
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Pooping to opera.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
