I looked at my own cervix.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
