fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
