4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
