dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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