My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize