farters have to be the big spoon...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
