I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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