so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
