everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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