9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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