We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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