Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
