He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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