Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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