I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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