grandma shit on top of the toilet
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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