woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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