I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
