Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Sober January is a disaster.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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