put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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