I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
