He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
