I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
