It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
