I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
