Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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