ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
