you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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