No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
