just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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