I'm lost and stupid without you.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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