i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
