Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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