I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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