Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
