'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
