Already got asked if we're dating
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Terrible idea I love it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
