Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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