my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
