My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
