I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
