On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
