Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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