The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
