Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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