planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
