Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
