It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I am one with the molecules
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
