I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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