Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
