She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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