She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hippo gnu deer
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
