I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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